Saying YES
Patrice LongmireI gave up my big girl job almost 2 yeas ago... Saying goodbye to some pretty toxic relationships and letting it all go. Great pay checks and all.... That decision was made after my first BGC. Since then I have been saying NO... So much. No, to job offers and things that were good... But, deep in my heart I knew were not the right match for me at this time in my life.
With Michael retiring, I did feel the need to help out a bit financially. That led me to opening my shop at the Urban Barn hoping that was the answer to the money issue....I actually made a bit of money, that was nice. BUT..... it became apparent that the barn was not what I wanted to be doing. I was working pretty much full time making my goodies to sell. That left me little time for anything else.
I gave up my space a few weeks ago. The day BEFORE I got a e-mail offering me a job that fits my heart so totally right.
I say it fits my heart.... Not so much my belief in my skill level.
Ever since I was a small child I have always been ashamed of my lack of knowledge in grammar.... Also, I can not spell... It is like my brain does not work that way.... Also the "tech" part of my brain... NOT SO MUCH! I am sure now days I would have been diagnosed with some kind of learning disorder...
The wonderfulness- (That has got to be a word).... of life is I found something that I did understand. The world of creating. Of quilting and doll making. Of knitting and cooking and gardening, of family, and bringing women together.
One day about two years ago.... I found the need for technology and my kind of creating to meet up ... ugh.... My Blog was born.... I should say with much suffering and tears.... So now I had way to meet others with the same love of tending to their lives as I had.
Which led me to BGC.
Which brings me to today and my job search. I have been on staff of BGC for almost a year. Attending each camp. (life changing in itself). But I was feeling that I was to fit in differently.... Since BGC is in Boise... It is a hard fit to say the least. I can't exactly be there everyday... or could I? I received a email from Kathy and Melody the founders of bgc.... Girls I love and believe in with my whole heart. And low and behold they offer me a job...Writing and working on my computer...
My worst nightmare.... Well almost!!!
As I was reading the e-mail from Kathy and Melody to my sweet Michael.. We both were thinking the same thing ..... This WAS ADDRESSED TO Me?
Yet- in my heart THIS is what I have been waiting for.... Just one thing was stoping me.... I decided to take a look at "it" ..... I took out my SHAME the same shame that I have carried around with me my whole adult life... I looked at it it, I felt it.... Then, I decided to put it where I could see it. Where you can see it. Instead of hiding it in a closet. I would let it be a teacher a healer instead of a garment that kept me bound in lies. You see, it's not that I can't write or spell or do "computers" that makes me want to hide... It is the shame that I feel .... And all that my shame is connected too. I have let that shame rule me so much of my life....
I believe in my dream of working side by side with women that believe in other women. I believe in bringing us all together. I believe that women can be dear and kind and smart and uplift each other. I believe that we can believe the best in each other. I believe we can change this world one Brave Girl at a time!
I said YES to it.... EVEN... if I have no idea how to do it.... Because I KNOW... this is it... It is not just a job... It is what I believed in. All my heartbreak and doors closing. Watching others saying Yes.... Wondering if I had somehow got it all wrong.... Saying NO... BELIEVING somehow somewhere waiting for this...I believe I will listen to my heart and follow it. I believe that my new "job" will unfold before me. I believe to do what I need to do in this job. I must bring all that I am EVEN my new teachers... That being me will be better than good enough. I believe I'm on the right path at this very moment in my life. I believe that it is time to let that shame go....
We have a saying at BGC... "SHE DID IT ANYWAY".... That is what I am going to do... I am going to do this anyway! Even if I'm scared. Even if I don't have everything I need at this time.. She did it anyway! Actually I have a little rule that I try and follow ... Instead of saying I'm scared.... I say I am so excited.....
I am going to believe in you. That you can see my heart, and that will be good enough for what is before me.
I am a girl that is doing it anyway.... AND.... I'm is so excited!
Please join me.... We can face our fears together.
With my whole heart!
Reader Comments (6)
Oh Patrice!!!! This is so exciting!! I am jumping up and down for you. You will be great at this and I can not wait to see what you do. Way to go!!!!!!
Oh my most wonderfully fabulous Patrice...dearest dearest Sista' --- I am so excited for you and BGC...publicist, wow! What a wise decision ... A wise decision that Kathy and Melody wanted wanted wanted you, but also that you jumped over that shame and saiid "yes"! I am filled with joy for you and Michael ... And BGC! Will see you October BG Camp! <3<3<3
Annie
Oh Patrice, I am so thrilled for you! You will be wonderful because the genuine love and compassion that you radiate will shine through every piece you write for Brave Girls. Congratulations, sweet sister! Can hardly wait to watch you shine!
You're perfect for the job!!! I hope I get to see you some time now that I'm back in Idaho! Your heart will bless many lives (just did a little celebration heel click!) :)
Wahoo!!!! So proud of you and so very excited for you!!!!!
Patrice how wonderful and beautiful!!! I am so proud of you! Such a great story and insight that we should always listen to our heart. I am trying...trying really hard. I know something that I truly want to do will come my way. I feel so blessed to have met you at camp and I know you will do and are doing a wonderful job with BG! Your words meant so much to me at camp. Please keep in touch...much Brave Girl love!